Day 44

So, Chris has been gone for 44 days, which essentially means I have gone 44 days without a good night's sleep. It's like I'm hyper alert and every little noise or movement wakes me up... tonight is a different problem though. I just can't bring myself to go to sleep at all. I was ready to sleep 3 hours ago but I find myself finding stupid things to do in order to keep me up. This blog entry is an example of one such thing.

I haven't heard from Chris in 11 days which is the longest that we have ever gone without some sort of communication. I just worry so much, I wish that I could have the reassurance that everything is going fine with him. I'm just so tired and worried that I'm fried and I really don't even care about school at this point. I just want the semester to be over with so that I can try to sleep and relax and life can go back to normal... or at least get a little bit closer to what normal was.

I think that Ele thinks Chris is never going to come home. She has stopped responding to his name, or his voice on the TV. It makes me sad, but at least on of us has been able to accept this distance thing. I wish that I could block it off like she does. I just have to keep taking everything day by day. Just keep swimming... 

Well, this is a depressing post. I write all of my happy stuff in emails to Chris and then the sad stuff is just left over and I have nothing to do with it. I don't want him to get sad emails, so that just leaves this blog that no one will really ever read, which works for me. Hopefully this weekend I can get some more unpacking done, and maybe even get some scrapbooking/crafts done as well. I have a bunch of stuff to make by the mail drop next week. I should really be working on that instead of this. Tomorrow's a new day though, and hopefully it will be better than today.

Two weeks down...

So, Chris has been gone for about two weeks now. Everyone told me that it would get easier, and I'm not sure if that's true. It's different now than it was at the beginning, but I don't know if I would say it's "easier." There are good days and bad, today happens to be a bad day, and it doesn't help that Ele ate my box of chocolates...now my comfort food doesn't even exist. If she wasn't so cute, I would hate her. 

I started graduate school four days ago. It has made me miss Wellesley a lot. The Professors are not as friendly as I am used to, and they definitely are not as good at teaching. The statistics department at UCONN is pretty small, so everyone can tell I'm the new kid, and it's a bit awkward. I don't know my way around, I still don't have all of my books (at the bookstore was out of one of them)...we aren't unpacked yet, the house isn't decorated, and I am completely unmotivated to work on any of that.  Hopefully things will get a little bit better. I am going to try to do some scrapbooking today in order to lift my spirits a bit, and I should probably try to unpack a little. We'll see how that goes.